Shippers Anonymous

An Open Letter to the World:

Hi, my name is Myles. (This is where you all say “Hi, Myles!” With exclamation mark, too, I want excited listeners). I have a problem. (Here you give me helpful, reassuring looks).

You see, I watch a lot of television. This wouldn’t be too much of a problem, really, it’s not like I have proposals to write or applications to complete or novels to read. I could watch dozens of TV shows a day, really, except that…well, you see, I get a bit emotionally connected to the shows. Too emotionally connected, really. And, I can’t keep on convincing myself that it’s not true, lying to myself and others does nothing good. Thus, I have to fess up.

I…am a shipper.

While that Wikipedia link quite honestly frightens the crap out of me, and makes me quite glad I am now openly shipping so I can avoid that particular road, I still must explain my shipping problem. For, you see, I get far too emotionally connected to the romantic fate of television characters. I become hopelessly enraptured by their innocent looks, their…I can’t even talk about it.

I don’t really get it; it’s not as if I have any particular reason to live vicariously through these characters, but I can’t help but care about their futures. Maybe it’s that I watch shows too late in the evening, when I’m not yet awake enough to contain emotions.

What’s drawing me into the open at this point? It’s entirely Mac’s fault.

I honestly think I care more about her happiness in the world of Veronica Mars than my own. Last season she fell in love with a seemingly innocent boy…who ended up being both a rapist and a mass murderer. She was emotionally crushed, and forever scarred, and she has spent much of this season dealing with her issues. I can’t help but feel for her, her situation. How can you not root for someone who was left naked in a hotel room while her boyfriend went up to the roof to murder Veronica…who he had raped a year and a half earlier?

It’s impossible to not relate to this, to root for her. And her new love interest, PHAT chapter president Bronson, is innocent, active in environmental causes, and seems the perfect fodder for Mac’s own insecurities. It’s far too adorable, too cute, and too easy to become attached to.

And, I’m coming clean because I can’t keep doing this. This is Veronica Mars we’re talking about, where no character is introduced for a simple reason. I had though Mac and Beaver (The aforementioned rapist/murderer) were adorable too, the epitome of the innocent teenage romance, but then the show ripped the rug out from under me. This isn’t some fantasy world, and in time I’m sure Bronson will be revealed to be some sort of environmental terrorist wanted on charges in some foreign country. And then Veronica will have to break the news to Mac, and she will be heartbroken, and her “Libidon’t” will kick in again. And I just can’t have this keep happening. I can’t keep getting attached to these characters’ romances knowing that one of them isn’t a series regular, and could disappear at any time.

So, world, help me out. Please, save me from myself. It’ll only keep spreading, unless you help me remain disconnected from the romantic entanglements of the television world.

Sincerely,

Myles McNutt