Talkin’ Junos: Live-Blogging Extravaganza

It’s time for the annual celebration of popular Canadian Music, no matter how counter-intuitive that statement may sound. I’ll be cutting in on occasion during the pre-show, but I’m quite likely to be ignoring Tanya Kim’s hair and eTalk @ The Junos.

7:00pm: Ben Mulroney informs us about something quite silly, and then Tanya Kim has some stars of Corner Gas…and Gabrielle Miller is wearing some sort of bizarre odd thing that is part shorts, part dress, and part…I don’t even know. Oh Gabrielle Miller.

7:03pm: Chris Murphy makes me mildly happy for existing, at this particular point, and his presence at the awards and the fact that the Rock Album award will be presented live bode well for his chances.

7:05pm: George Canyon and Carolyn Dawn Johnson…and Canyon makes a hockey reference, and gets an annoying cheap pop. His head is huge.

7:08pm: Tanya Kim most certainly just kind of let herself bhee mobbed for tickets by Grayson Williams, it was fairly entertaining. There was also JackSould in there, and now Colin James is there. This is supposed to be exciting?

7:11pm: Melissa O’Neill is here and there is certainly a sense that she is very much as engaging and enigmatic as she was on Canadian Idol before. Honestly, much like Kalan, she got the short end of the stick despite being quite so entertaining.

7:12pm: Mobile is there, and Ben asks them what they’re wearing. Seriously, Ben. You’re talking to Mobile. And then Tanya Kim gets the mayor’s daughter’s name wrong, and I love it.

7:13pm: Ben is officially calling Tanya Kim “TK”, which makes me basically want to hurt people.

7:15pm: Commercial breaks are awfully short, which makes me wonder how much content we could possibly have…oh, yet more Canadian Idol folks (Theresa Sokyrka and Tyler Lewis) who happen to be from Saskatchewan. Theresa’s here to see Nelly Furtado, but Lewis is here to see “everything.”

7:18pm: Tomi Swick…and now it’s the Premier of Saskatchewan? Honestly, this is ridiculous. Lorne Calvert. Snore. His wife’s “Oh, I’m really excited to see absolutely everyone” makes me laugh, however. Ha.

7:21pm: I should really be writing essays instead of watching this right now…but meh.

7:23pm: Okay, I tried to work on my essay, and then the Canadian Idol judges came on, and Sass Jordan called her “TK” and I needed to throw things. And then talk about them. And how Jake Gold is growing out his hair and looks like a dwarf. And how Farley Flex appears to be wearing pyjamas. Oh Canadian Idol judges.

7:31pm: We have our first Saskatchewan, Saskatoon slip from Ben as Tanya Kim catches up with Sarah Harmer and Sam Roberts, who are apparently Juno Winners even though they won, respectively, Music DVD and Music Video of the year

7:33pm: Eva Avila is on the Junos Red Carpet, and…wow, she is the exact opposite of Melissa O’Neill. She’s cold, calculated, uninterested, lame, and appears to have gained weight whereas Melissa has lost some. Wow. Her voice is totally weird right now, I don’t even know what happened to her. How odd.

7:34pm: Ummm…Howie D of the Backstreet Boys is there? I am really, really confused. He’s there with Juno Nominee “George.” Apparently Howie D is his manager. Wow.

7:36pm: Billy Talent will be opening the show…and the people other than the lead singer are talking! There’s a spooky set, apparently. And then Ben name-drops his coat and laughs strangely. And Nelly Furtado is officially in the house.

7:41pm: Nelly is apparently a cuter Cher, and Tanya wants her to start a fragrance line…ugh. Seriously, what an entertainment show whore Tanya Kim is ending up. She also forgot to put on perfume.

7:42pm: Three Days Grace is performing? Boourns. They are also the most unexcited people in the history of mankind, and one of them is wearing “Value Village.”

7:43pm: And here’s Quebec sensation Gregory Charles who, really, is a non-entity in the rest of the country. He sang backup for Celine Dion before, apparently, and Nelly has officially put on someone’s perfume from the crowd.

7:49pm: Wow, I was busy replying to an email and absolutely nothing happened. Hedley is here, and Jacob Hoggard has no sleeves. The rest of Hedley is very loud, yelling, more than anything else. Hoggard is literally shaking.

7:51pm: Ben, I don’t care that you’re wearing Tiger Sweden. Shut. Up. Now.

7:52pm: It’s Bev Oda, this makes me excited. She’s such a stereotypical Heritage Minister, we had her pegged the second she won for the Conservatives in the last election. She’s apparently an Alexisonfire fan, which kind of entertains me. And, as if this wasn’t culturally irrelevant enough, here’s Pamela Wallin. Oy vey.

7:56pm: Alexisonfire and City in Colour in the same place? Shock and awe. Dallas Green will be performing twice, apparently, and Alexisonfire will be off touring the world after these awards. Add Dallas Green to the list of people who are freezing cold.

7:58pm: It’s Nickleback. If this TV had a remote control, I would totally change the channel right now.

7:59pm: Oooh, real awards show now. Yay.

8:00pm: Nelly Furtado is talking like a crazy person and “flying like a bird” while singing a rather annoying version of “I’m like a Bird.” Honestly, that was just plain ol’ obnoxious. Way to start things off well, people. And that is seriously the entire opening, and she is incapable of being not really strange looking in this silly bird outfit.

8:03pm: Billy Talent is our first performer of the evening, and they appear to be performing ‘Devil in a Midnight Mass’ which is honestly kind of disappointing. I think that ‘Red Flag’ and ‘Fallen Leaves’ are somewhat easier for them to perform in this setting.

8:05pm: It really is standing room only up front, for quite a large portion of the stage to be honest. I can’t think they’re going to be all that comfortable for such a long and relatively boring awards show.

8:07pm: Our first award is being presented by…old people in funny looking suit jackets ‘Blackie and the Rodeo Kings.’ They’re brilliantly enthusiastic, and tell us to go to in order to play along with the…something or other. How odd. I love these guys. They’re presenting best R&B/Soul recording, which could go…meh, I don’t care who gets it. The winner? JackSoul’s ‘My Soul’, which I actually heard a fair amount on the radio. I swear, we’re the only country which would make our artists sit in the lower bowl plastic seats.

8:10pm: JackSould said ‘shit’. Heh. And the censors are quick to censor ‘black ass’, so JackSoul be in trouble.

8:16pm: Nelly is talking into a giant microphone and she continues to speak in a weird accent that’s really quite off-putting. She’s introducing out second performer of the night, K-Os who is oddly not at the centre of the stage to start the performance. It’s a tough song to really perform live, and on the whole it isn’t that impressive. He did call the show propaganda, which is somewhat interesting, and there’s a unique little bridge segment here, but it’s still not doing much for me. That is, until he smashed a guitar, angrily, so I’m now entirely okay with this. Woot.

8:20pm: That’s right Keshia Chante, it’s all about sales with this crummy awards shows, and this is especially lame in the Fan Choice Award…and wow, Eva Avila has become a lifeless robot, it still bothers me. Either way, the young fan who won the contest presents the award to…Nelly Furtado. She deserves it, really, and it’s hard to believe this could happen after the disaster that was Folklore.

8:27pm: Ricck Hansen and the Man in Motion tour is being highlighted, as it is now the 20-year anniversary of his initial tour. A standing ovation greets him, and he’s certainly very…wait, that Man in Motion song was written about him by David Foster? I thought that was just a coincidence. Now, we’re moving onto Single of the Year: This has to be Nelly, especially after she got snubbed for the Grammys.

8:30pm: Rick Hansen is not leaving anyone hanging, as he announces that “Promiscuous Feat.” by Timbaland and Nelly Furtado, which more or less entertains me. Nelly says that Rick Hansen is cute, and…yeah, it’s a very fun single, we get it. Her whole humble act is annoying. Boourns. You know you destroyed everything else this year.

8:32pm: Three Days Grace guy is wearing a wife-beater and performing what appears to be, to this point, an acoustic version of Pain that is likely to pick up soon. Honestly, he looked at least a little intimidating with the old haircut, this one makes him look like a greasy slob. And now the song kicks into high gear…and it’s terrible. Ugh. This is why I don’t watch MuchMusic anymore.

8:35pm: Nelly is in the audience chillin’ with some fans, and is apparently now sending it out to Vancouver to…a fake video of Nelly Furtado’s “Aunt” (Furtado in an ugly old woman blouse) interviewing Michael Buble. Buble deserves nothing more than this comedy piece, damnit. Buble is playing along like a champ, don’t get me wrong. But it’s also kind of hideous and annoying. I’m on the fence…the crowd seems to have enjoyed it, rather not entertaining at all. Le sigh.

8:42pm: We return to last night’s winners, a lot of them. It’s all quite lacking in entertainment at this point in time…and now Sam Roberts and a teenage guitar player are on the stage. Yay, MusiCan is actually kind of important, as education is all about empowerment. Steven Fisher is only 12 years old, which is fairly cool and he’s actually quite well-spoken. And he’s actually singing too? This is just bizarre, as he breaks into The Guess Who’s ‘American Woman.’ That was actually kind of neat.

8:44pm: Sam Roberts is taken aback by the heavy duty performance, and now it’s time for the cinematic stylings of Patrick Watson. I’ve honestly never heard any of his stuff beofre, but to this point it’s basically a more eclectic sounding Coldplay song. He’s even playing the piano, even if it’s fairly manically. It’s…interesting, although the rather bored looking guitarist added some interest, as well as the manic tambourine playing from Wilson. And now the guitarist is playing his guitar with a balloon? I’m confused. Dizzy, even.

8:48pm: It’s time for yet another award, as we have…Sarah Harmer, Carolyn Dawn Johnson, JackSoul…and it’s Group of the Year. Jacksoul seems drunk. This one is fairly solidly a battle between Billy Talent and Hedley, I’d say. And, unsurprisingly, it’s the boys of Billy Talent who take home the Juno. These aren’t predictable or anything.

8:51pm: Through the joys of Blog Stats, I’m clearly learning that no one is actually reading this. As a result, I could well be stopping at the mid-way point. Because, really, this awards show is hideously boring. I’m all for humorous things, don’t get me wrong, but with real work to do it seems oddly…OMG NEW LOST PREVIEW IS AWESOME…irresponsible of me.

8:55pm: Okay, it’s official, after more Buble/Furtado annoyance I’m out at 9.

8:56pm: What will be my last moment of liveblogging for the evening? Some more Nelly Furtado posturing and introducing the Tragically Hip w/ special guest Bob Rock on guitar. Gord Downey is really far too good for a song like this, and for Bob Rock in general. Seriously, these guys are how old and yet they’re trying to be hip? And how can Bob Rock define what is hip these days? Ugh.

8:58pm: I’m out. Enjoy the rest of the show, folks.

12:04am: Okay, so it isn’t live anymore, but I’d just like to note that I saw like half of the awards given out.

Best New Artist went to Tomi Swick, in a bit of a surprise, but the category was fairly weak to begin with.

Rock Album of the Year, predictably, went to Billy Talent for II.

Album of the Year, finishing off her trinity, was Nelly Furtado for ‘Loose’.

What else did I miss? Other than a bizarre choice of a closing act (A DJ? Really?), apparently not much, so I can’t say I’m overly disappointed I skipped out. I won’t even bother with a wrap-up post, it was just that uneventful.

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Filed under Award Shows, Junos, Music

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