Canadian Idol – August 13th – Top 6 Haikus

[Due to various time constraints, and the satellite running out, it was a strange night to try to fully recap Canadian Idol. So, in the spirit of embracing more traditional forms of communication, I grabbed a pen and paper and wrote down some haikus for each contestant. And thus, I present Cultural Learnings’ recap of Canadian Idol’s Top 6…in Haiku.]

Eulogy for Greg,

Pop/Rock is the Theme This Week,

The Judges are here.

Idols have Arrived,

Dwight is Wearing Ugly Coat,

Maroon 5 “Mentor”.

Tara Oram – “Walking on Sunshine” (Katrina and the Waves)

Cliched song choice much?

Vocal is as you’d expect,

Downgrade from last week.

Judges are not pleased,

Zack thought it was just awful,

Newfies will save her.

Jaydee Bixby – “Amazed” (Lonestar)

This is not a pop song,

Twang is murder, Notes all off,

Bad even for Twang.

Judges think he’s cute,

But concur that the singing?

Was just plain awful.

Matt Rapley – “Everything” (Michael Buble)

There is emotion,

But singing takes a slight hit,

Still, not terrible.

Judges entertained,

Zack thought it was too smiley,

I kind of agree.

Carly Rae Jepsen – “Come to My Window” (Melissa Etheridge)

She has little rasp,

Somewhat affects the song choice,

Just a little off.

Zack hates the song choice,

Sass thinks it greatest version,

Pure hyperbole.

Brian Melo – “The Dolphin’s Cry” (Live)

Rough High Vocals,

Decent Lower Register

Weak, to be honest.

Judges offer praise,

Consider it a great song,

Zack felt it was real.

Dwight D’eon – “Smooth” (Santana f. Rob Thomas)

Rockin’ the guitar,

Too bad the song is poor choice,

Not quite rock enough.

Judges enjoy it,

Zack says the east coast might just,

Have gotten one right.

In Review

Okay, I need to stop using Haikus to get this out.

Best Performance: No one.

Sorry, but no one really caught my attention this week. The Idols basically fell into two distinct categories in my view, and they were rather unfortunate ones to fall into.

Tara and Jaydee are in a league of their own: poor vocals, and basically they just didn’t pull it together. Zack was harsh on both, but they both just didn’t do anything (for me) to convince me of artistry. Tara ran out of gas with the longer song times, and Jaydee didn’t even hit half the notes on that song. If he’s going to play it safe, he needs a safe song he can sing.

Meanwhile, the other four (Matt, Carly Rae, Brian, Dwight) all went for performance over vocals. The problem was that none of them really gave a superb performance outside of Dwight, and even then I felt it just didn’t hit the right spot for me. Carly Rae sang alright, and it was her own, but it didn’t capture my attention in the way Etheridge’s original does. Matt, meanwhile, just felt too forced: I doesn’t need to appear happier or more emotional, but just natural.

I was most disappointed in Brian, because Live is a great band for him to tackle and that was a good song choice…but man, he did not hit those high notes. The song is nothing without the notes, and he seemed out of breath and all over the place for the whole performance for me.

Also, boourns to Maroon 5 just doing video-recorded messages. The irony of them bitching about having to do promotion while phoning in a Canadian Idol performance designed to boost record sales was not lost, Maroon 5…I can only hope it was intentional.

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Filed under Canadian Idol, CTV, Reality TV, Television

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