Losing my HSM Virginity: Reviewing and Liveblogging High School Musical 2

I have never watched High School Musical. I have thought about it, perhaps many a time, but never have I actually thought about it in a serious fashion. However, with the sequel airing tonight and being a bit of a cultural phenomenon, I figure I should jump in feet first, if you will.

And, well, jump in I did. I’ll be honest in saying that although I have all sorts of various problems with the film’s construction, High School Musical 2 features some strong choreography, some strong musical numbers and what I can only guess to be a decent continuation of the first film’s successes. And, as a result, it is not a failure of a film by any means. However, I think this is a key area where, rather than poor writing or directing being at fault, it may just be the fault of the original film’s success that we have a frustrating, frustrating piece of filmmaking.

Focusing so much of the film on Zac Efron makes perfect sense from a business perspective: he’s a huge draw in film, he’s a teen heartthrob, and he’s a pretty good dancer. The problem is that Troy is a character who needs to be the movie’s hero, but also display some level of emotional diversity…and Efron didn’t do it. Sure, the writing basically killed him, but Efron is not a star: he is a supporting player.

And there’s the thing: he really is not someone I would peg as a star. I fear for Footloose, the remake in which he is starring, simply because I don’t see how he can do anything beyond his admittedly great dance skills. I just don’t see it happening, because what we saw here was an overwrought and overbearing performance of a character who, in my book, couldn’t be more unlikeable.

The problem is that Troy and Gabriella, the ostensible star-crossed lovers, are one-dimensional and boring. Ryan and Sharpay, heck even the rest of the Wildcats, all seem to at least offer some level of either coherent thought or actual character development. The film’s musical numbers were its highlight, but when the film slowed down to look at Troy and Gabriella’s plot it slowed to a crawl. I liked all of these characters, and felt they were spending time with my least favourite, and with the least compelling in non-musical settings.

But that’s not what this is about, and I won’t deny that it succeeds at being a song-and-dance festival like no other Disney Channel television movie ever before. However, forgive me, but I am just curious as to whether its priorities were in the right place. I’d rather have a musical where Sharpay and Ryan have a meatier role, and it’s less the Zac Efron show. I wonder what a sequel to the film would be like if he hadn’t exploded onto the scene, and if the first film hadn’t been such a monsters success.

Perhaps a better film would have resulted. Regardless, that’s that. Here’s my LiveBlog commentary of the film, for those who want to basically read my every thought. That would render you somewhat insane. I’m okay with that.

9:00pm: It’s East High School, and I’d say it’s summer: mainly because it’s empty and really Kenny G like music is playing. This always, in my view, indicates summer. And there was also an illuminated moon. And…now we’re in a classroom and there’s a really annoying teacher who is…well, it’s kind of annoying.

9:01pm: What do you do when you’re annoyed by a teacher talking about summer? You start a song and dance number. And it appears that Troy and Gabriella (I think that’s their names, I won’t know any more of them) are looking forward to a summer of awkward team love. Meanwhile, their rivals (Sharpay and…Ryan? I don’t know yet) get a far more satisfying verse but unfortunately get shafted in the bridge.

9:04pm: Wow, okay – there’s some rather insane choreography going on here. It’s actually ludicrously complicated.

9:05pm: Troy just said “I gotta make bank.” Sharpay, meanwhile, makes a complete and total fool out of Gabriella.

9:06pm: Holy crap, he totally just branded her! I mean, seriously, could it have been something less obnoxious than a T? That’s unfortunate. Meanwhile, Sharpay hatches the obvious plan to bed Troy in order to establish herself as the Queen of East High while Ryan tries to put on a brave face. And then everyone fances out of the school as we get our first reprise of the opening number. I expect more to follow.

9:08pm: And then begins the plot…of sorts. Troy got himself a job, conveniently, and tries to get Gabriella one as well. This entire scene proves that this should really be an opera so the singing and the dancing can overcome the acting.

9:10pm: Sharpay has arrived to the country club, and she is immediately diva-ing it up. We go through the regular routine: she acts conceited, she has lots of trophies, the owner appeases her, people wait on her hand and feet…I wish that everyone in her scenes could keep up with Tisdale. Because none of them can

9:13pm: Musical Act #2 belongs to Sharpay and Ryan…mostly Sharpay, really. The result is a rather good number that seems catchy, character-building and it leads nicely into the arrival of Troy, Gabriella, and the basic entirety of East High School. How convenient!

9:16pm: Troy gets another obvious award…and then winks creepily at Gabriella. Ugh. That was unfortunate.

9:18pm: And now we meet Sharpay and Ryan’s mother, and Sharpay hatches a plan to force all of his friends to quit. And we also meet some guy named Chad who is our Fro-laden jock. And then random people whose names I won’t remember all get their token scenes.

9:20pm: And as Zac Efron starts an inspiring speech, I hear a song coming on. The number is basically “People Complain”, “Zac Efron Dances,” repeat. And now there’s a Stomp-inspired rhythm section. I really, really wish that all of my own problems could be solved through song and dance numbers. Seriously, why isn’t the entire film full of these scenes? They’re by far the most consistent part.

9:24pm: And now Troy and Gabriella are having a sunlit picnic on the golf course. Troy is worried about the future, and college is on the horizon. He’s actually saying some really intelligent things about future and all of that, and I actually find them somewhat endearing. Meanwhile, Sharpay and Ryan snarking above them and the ever-annoying “Are they gonna kisS? Are they gonna kiss?” and the obnoxious dancing makes me no longer care for them. Plus, you totally knew the sprinkler gag would go wrong.

9:28pm: Uh-oh, teens! Troy says his singing career is done. And yet HE’S BEEN SINGING EVERY 8 minutes! And then through the power of song he rediscovers the music in him. And then they magically know the lyrics to the song they just learned. I love musicals. At least now Gabriella is reading lyrics. But still.

9:33pm: And now we’re dealing with golf, where Sharpay initiates a plan to split Troy from Gabriella and…I don’t know, it seems like a fairly indirect strategy from where I stand. Meanwhile, Chad gets to use some physical comedy, and the Sharpay/Ryan family (Evans! I’ve been waiting for that.) are decidedly cheaters. Meanwhile, Gabriella continues to just stand there and smile and wave. That’s apparently all she does.

9:37pm: And now comes the rub – Mr. Evans has college scholarships and recommendations to make. And Chad is totally onto her. Which doesn’t seem all that threatening to me, he’s really just complained the entire time. But right now Troy is suited up, and he’s ready for a University of Albuquerque pimp session. And Sharpay adjusting his tie.

9:40pm: I’ve yet to be able to tell whether the parents are in on this. They SEEM to be in on it, but yet they’re not expressly baiting him. And yet they seem to be catching him in a lie, and one that will come back to bite him in the near future. And then Troy just randomly screamed in the kitchen. And then Gabriella gave an impersonal robotic response.

9:41pm: Taylor, with more personality than Gabriella, posits that Troy is like all other boys. Actually, he seems far less interesting. Meanwhile, the teen girls now get their requisite scene where Zac Efron takes off his shirt. And, subsequently, teen girls squeal and adult girls feel dirty.

9:43pm: Okay, these scenes are just annoying. It’s just Troy and Gabriella being all cute, and then John Tesh piano music plays, and then they almost kiss but don’t actually kiss. This is like the third time it’s happened. It’s driving me insane at this point.

9:45pm: Argh, Troy is too bloody perfect. He worries about appearing above his friends, he worries about his future, he treats his girlfriend like an angel. And he said “Off the hook.” He is just too naive, too innocent, and yet I’m supposed to believe him to be some sort of…I don’t even know. It’s weird.

9:47pm: We need another musical number soon. Like, really soon. I can only deal with Troy’s perfection so long. Sharpay continues to drive the “You need to perform with me in order to get your scholarships” point into the ground. And then someone spots him being all opportunist. Mainly Gabriella. Who continues not to react. And when she does, it’s just…ugh.

9:51pm: GRRRR.

9:52pm: I need to clarify, Troy just turned into a complete and total asshole in literally one scene. One scene. That’s all it took. It was ridiculous. Just randomly he said an absolutely jerk-like thing, and it was just…ugh.

9:53pm: Ryan and Sharpay just had a bit of a breakdown after Sharpay ditched him, and it was made fantastic by a final line of “Transpose!” And then Troy and Gabriella have a little heart to heart about promises.

9:55pm: And then he totally just shut down his friends. Seriously. Out of nowhere. This is bullshit. Come on, Troy, you’re not that terrible. No one would act this way. Ever. It’s entirely random.

9:56pm: And now Gabriella is befriending Ryan of all people! Which is great, except that Gabriella’s black hole of charisma when not singing might rub off. However, it appears that Ryan is instead tapped to be a director of sorts. And, in this case, a pitcher in this particular baseball game. And, finally, a musical number! It’s actually a really charming battle between Ryan and Chad that takes place during the game. There’s even pickoff attempts. The song is also catchy. It’s got a jazzy quality to it.

10:00pm: This movie is much better when Troy’s not in it! There was even a rundown! Baseball FTW. That being said, no one would wear all white to a baseball game, even Ryan. Who is getting a nice redeemed henchmen of the villainess arc at the moment.

 

10:02pm: Meanwhile, Troy is a whole lot shorter than the other players on the team. And how can Gabriella have a Blackberry if she’s struggling to pay for school? Huh? Huh? Speaking of Gabriela, she just completely murdered a series of lines. It was bad. And then Troy catches them dancing, as if they were making out or something. He has no right to be mad about this, honestly. Seriously. He just walked away like a wounded puppy dog.

10:05pm: Troy and Chad get a nice little fight here…and Chad totally gets inside Troy’s head. They’ve been brothers since preschool, people, this runs deep. Meanwhile, Troy just held Sharpay’s hand for an extended period of time. Which is stupid, if he’s seriously hung up on Gabriella and not wanting to give her the wrong idea.

10:07pm: The Music in Me Remix is loud, obnoxious and has a lot of flashing lights. Troy just kind of stands there. It’s weird. But then there was a wind machine, which makes it much better. Sharpay just basically musically raped the song, and Troy, and I enjoyed it immensely.

10:09pm: Why did Troy just imagine Sharpay in a wedding dress? Man, his mind moves quickly. And then he misses the basket a lot. Is this some form of sexual euphemism I’m unaware of? Because then we see a giant fountain, as if to confirm it. And seriously, Efron could have worn a shirt for that scene.

10:11pm: Ryan and Sharpay have their official falling out, and it is really quite satisfying. Sharpay gets played out with drums, and it’s very engaging. And then comes an obstacle to overcome: Fulton shuts down the employees from taking part in the talent show. And Gabriella ain’t having none of it. Which is stupid: she’s by far their worst representative for using words.

10:14pm: Troy and Gabriella just totally had their breakup fight! Kind of. Except it was more Gabriella saying “You’re changed, and that’s cool” and she kind of whines some things…it’s weird. We enter into a musical breakup number, which makes her emotions seem much more…emotive. And hopefully she gives back the T at the end.

10:17pm: Oh snap, Gabriella is going her own way! And now she’s basically filming a music video by leaning against lockers and locking at random walls. The musical numbers are at their best when staged in a grandiose fashion: this is just boring.

10:18pm: Oh wow, Troy’s facial expressions when he was whining about what happens to him when Gabriella leaves were classic. He was passing something through, no doubt. And then he basically hugged her breasts. That’s quite a goodbye. And then more facial expressions. And YES! The T is given back! How cliched and predictable, and yet totally what the brat deserves!

10:20pm: Troy is totally figuring out the entire problems with his life in the span of lying on his bed. He doesn’t even know who he is anymore. I have an idea: easily manipulated, naive jock who, in the end, seems to be entirely incapable of keeping a consistent personality…but yet always turns out a saint in the end. But then again, I didn’t see him in the last movie. Maybe he was some sort of real character then.

10:22pm: And now we literally get the Emo-Troy number. He gets angry, dances alone around the golf course, makes funny faces. I don’t even know what he’s doing now. I wonder if this is part of the success of the first film, and Efron’s career, that he is getting solo songs that are basically just him dancing around with his fake tan in the desert rocks. There’s not much plot here, and he’s singing directly into the faces of the teenage girls. It’s not a terrible song, but contextually it just drags everything down.

10:24pm: HAHAHA! Okay, Troy just looked at his reflection in the lake and it was an awful effect, and then Troy splashed it out. And then the song took a turn for the better in terms of quality, but I refuse to believe that that moment changed everything. Plus, Mulan totally had the better in-water reflection related life-changing song choice. Troy then changes his life, tells off Sharpay, and takes back his kitchen job. How noble.

10:26pm: Sharpay appears to have received her comeuppance, which makes Troy and everyone else happy. And then sappy piano music plays as Chad and Troy have their bro moment. And then everyone cheers. And Troy…comes clean, and everyone accepts him immediately. Ryan even gets his moment…I REALLY want him to turn evil again sometime soon. Like…now. Making Sharpay feel better? Not good. Allowing her to destroy everyone? Greatness.

10:29pm: And now Troy keeps promises? Bull. Troy pulls the ol’ “The Wildcats get to do the show too if I perform with you,” and Sharpay says some way too nice things to him. You’re better than him, girl, just throw things in his general direction. Please. And then we get our requisite “People whisper-spreading the message” scene. And then they justify adding a new song to the agenda…within minutes.

10:32pm: RYAN! NOOOOOooo! You totally just screwed over Sharpay instead of Troy. And then, of course, Gabriella comes out. Because the song’s about redemption. Duhhh, people.

10:33pm: This is making me really angry. It shouldn’t be making me this angry. At all. I’m disgusted by myself…but more disgusted with these characters.

10:35pm: Sharpay should be rushing the stage at this point. And throwing things. I want a catfight. Something to interrupt this saccharine love fest.

10:36pm: NO SHARPAY! Not you too! Why do you have to ruin every character this movie has, people? I mean, I know you want a happy ending and all, but if Sharpay isn’t re-established as a villain by the end of this movie you’ve basically ruined my night. Plus, what happened to the staff’s number? We better see it, too; it also seemed to be a great option.

10:37pm: Wait, what just happened? Why did Sharpay give it to Ryan? And why would she have ever gotten it? Shouldn’t it be Troy’s, by definition? Or someone else’s?

10:38pm: I called it, another Reprise of Music in Me to end the movie…except for, you know, the kiss that’s been teased how many times now. And then fireworks go off. And then Sprinklers. And more kissing.

10:39pm: And we end the film with…a group number about happiness and togetherness. Which is just…no. It’s well-choreographed and all that, but it just doesn’t fit in thematically with the basic principles the film should be ending on.