9:00pm: Welcome to the “Golden Globes Winners Special,” which is just a terrible name for this thing. Also of note: someone from NBC is in Nova Scotia (I, for the record, am also in Nova Scotia), which means that nominee Ellen Page is most certainly winning this evening. That’s good to know.
9:01pm: A seriously melodramatic opening here which leads to…the tackiest set ever with Access Hollywood setpieces. That’s…ugly.
9:03pm: It’s now time for analysis straight from the morning talk shows, as the cast of Access Hollywood begin with the nominees for Best Supporting Actress. And, wow, these graphics are awful. It’s Blanchett, Roberts, Ronan (Atonement), Ryan, Swinton – it’s Ryan or Blanchett in this case, methinks.
And the winner is…Cate Blanchett for I’m Not There, a strong precursor for her when she struggled in the critics’ prizes.
9:04pm: Billy Bush just totally said that Cate Blanchett can’t win for playing a man – this commentary is ridiculous. And now Television Supporting Actor, which gets no time for me to write down each candidate. And the winner is…
Jeremy Piven for Entourage? Frak, people, stop giving him awards: I love Piven, I really do, but this is getting ridiculous. Dillon is more noteworthy, and for that matter so is Ted Danson. People need to stop doing it, immediately.
9:06pm: Oh wow, I can’t type this fast: Lead Actress – Drama. Arquette, Close, Driver, Falco, Field, Hunter, Sedgwick. Who’s going to take this one home: it’s Glenn Close for Damages, which is somewhat surprising in a tough category. And we get more commentary regarding these people, which is really offputting…yet fascinating.
9:08pm: Make it stop! Supporting Television Actress: Byrne, Griffiths, Heigl, Morton, Paquin, Pressley. And the winner is…
Samantha Morton for Longford, which is always rare when there’s great television categories. The Access Hollywood individuals finally take a break, which means a break for me. I need to rest. Egads.
9:11pm: Okay, no fancy formatting, there won’t be time. Is this freaking anyone else out, this entire process? I mean, I’m all for trimming the fat out of award shows, but who in their right mind replaces it with quips from fake news magazine hosts and ridiculous editing. The only plus: Arcade Fire’s “No Cars Go” was played as part of the opening montage, along with Spoon’s “The Underdog.”
9:14pm: Anyone else not surprised that Shane from Weeds is a sex offender? I always knew it.
9:15pm: And we’re back, and my heart is still racing. Nominees for Actor in a TV Drama – ignoring Billy Bush’s rundown – Hall, Hamm, Laurie, Rhys-Meyers, Paxton. And the winner is…
Jon Hamm! Oh snap, people! This is a huge win, and it’s great to see Jon Hamm and AMC win this one. I really wish there was an entire award show for people to discover this amazing series, and maybe there would be less annoying commentary. Ugh.
9:16pm: Animated Film…I will just write Ratatouille without even waiting. It’s going to win…
9:17pm: Nice little Access Hollywood plug, but yes: Ratatouille won. Shut up, Billy Bush.
9:18pm: And we get to see Nikki Blonsky scream about her nomination for the THIRD time. Seriously, this is ridiculous – we get it. Here we go – Actress Comedy/Musical – Adams, Blonsky, Bonham Carter, Cotillard, Page. And the winner is…
Marion Cotillard, which makes it somewhat ridiculous for them to be at Ellen Page’s hometown. Maybe it was a fake hometown? I think Billy Bush is frustrated about Cotillard being in the wrong category, but he forgets: Hollywood FOREIGN press association. Important distinction.
9:24pm: Scoop! There’s another award show with a different order – Sweeney Todd takes Musical/Comedy, Diving Bell and the Butterfly takes Foreign Film. Javier Bardem, in the present tense, takes Supporting Actor in an unsurprising victory. Billy Bush: “One of the greatest villains ever, in the Darth Vader area.” Way to go, there.
9:25pm: Time for TV Movie Actress, which means big name TV/Movie actresses in Lifetime movies. In this case, it’s Queen Latifah in Life Support. Debra Messing keeps losing…but I don’t care, sorry.
9:27pm: More Larry King Scoop – Best Drama Series…Mad Men! This is fantastic news, and makes me sad that the entire room didn’t get to go silent while Weiner and Co. took the stage. Also, unsurprisingly, Daniel Day-Lewis wins Best Actor in a Drama. Special thanks to my brother for keeping me up on these, as I am unfortunately without remote control and thus can’t channel surf AND LiveBlog.
9:28pm: I really wish that I knew NBC was stretching this out for no reason, as the other broadcast is already done. The winner for the big trophy, Best Picture Drama? It’s Atonement, which certainly gives it some momentum moving forward.
9:31pm: TV Comedy Actor time back on NBC – We only need to see Alec Baldwin’s brilliant sequence to know he deserves to win. We do see the other nominees, and maybe one of them could even win – stranger things have happened. And the winner is…
David Duchovony for Californication. This is unfortunate. It’s a showy and lazy role that has no business whatsoever for beating Carell or Baldwin. Billy Bush has more issues with the Drama/Comedy categories, just shut up.
9:33pm: TV Comedy Nominations. 30 Rock, Californication, Entourage, Extras, Pushing Daisies
And the winner is…Extras? This is getting ridiculous, I have no ability to possibly predict these things anymore. The TV categories have been all over the map, there’s pretty much no ability to call them. Let’s see if that continues.
9:36pm: Time for Actress in a Comedy Series. Applegate, Ferrera, Fey, Friel, Parker. And the winner is…
Tina Fey for 30 Rock! You know, this is bizarre: they don’t award the show, they don’t award Baldwin, but they do award Fey. I enjoy this, don’t get me wrong, but it seems a bizarre choice over some other actresses.
9:38pm: Okay, my hands are getting tired, and I have an Amazing Race recap to edit, so I’m going to just list the remaining winners and offer lighter commentary.
Best Actress in a Drama – Julie Christie…Actor in a Musical/Comedy – Johnny Depp…Best Director – Julian Schnabel (Diving Bell/Butterfly)…Original Song – Guaranteed (Eddie Vedder – Into the Wild)…Actor in a Miniseries/TV Movie – Jim Broadbent (Longford).
9:41pm: Phew, glad to get that off my chest. Variety has the full list of winners here…NBC really should have gone with the half hour, at this rate.
9:43pm: Missed one – surprisingly, it’s the Coen Brothers taking Screenplay over Diablo Cody for Juno. No Country for Old Men finally gets its big win outside off Barden, but with the separate categories at the Oscars there should be room for both.
9:45pm: I didn’t think Billy Bush could get more annoying, but then he started talking about Johnny Depp. It was painful.
9:47pm: NBC appears to be either skipping Screenplay, Drama Series and Foreign Film, or else they’re just hyping the final three awards while they have more left. Bizarre choice.
9:52pm: Yep, they’re just being weird – it’s time for Best Drama Series. Mad Men’s win here is huge, but the clip from the finale is totally out of context for people who have never seen it. Don’t listen to Billy Bush – he says it is sleek and sexy, but it’s not – it’s real, not shiny. Shut up, Billy Bush.
9:54pm: Julie Christie’s in in this category isn’t surprising – it’s a race between her and Cotillard/Page on most lists, so she was more or less alone in this category in terms of frontrunners. Nancy O’Dell just claimed that something Billy Bush said was “well said.” Lies, Nancy O’Dell.
9:56pm: Daniel Day-Lewis is marching to an Oscar – there is no Adrien Brody standing in the way. Also – they didn’t pick the nude fight scene for Eastern Promises? Lame.
9:58pm: This is ridiculous for this critic to predict the winner when the winner was ALREADY announced. It’s not much of a game really, and he smartly didn’t give an actual answer. Atonement, meanwhile, was one of the two films he mentions, and he’s right – it’s a big help for the film’s oscar chances.
9:59pm: I’ll be back tomorrow morning/afternoon with an analysis of who this ridiculous and lame special helps and hurts the awards momentum of various film and television nominees. And, now it’s time for…an American Gladiators rerun. Oh NBC. I’m so sorry. Goodnight, everybody!