Open Bar. Slavish appreciation of celebrity and the cult therein. The Golden Globes are not about who wins, really, but that doesn’t mean that I would ever miss an opportunity to complain about it. Watch as I discuss the television awards with a false sense of authority, write about the movie awards with an even more false sense of authority, and gossip about celebrities with the exact amount of zero authority almost all internet commentators have on the subject.
I am not live-blogging the pre-show per se, but I have been writing some tweets, so follow me on Twitter for more fun on that front. But, really, we’re here for the judgments of the Hollywood Foreign Press – those guys are crazy.
7:49pm: First word of warning – time might jump forward an hour, I’m adjusting Atlantic Time to Eastern Time for your benefit and might occasionally screw up. Time for the pre-awards ten minutes of pre-show blogging.
7:54pm: Basics of the pre-show – NBC mindbogglingly combining people in a line so that they could get through more people, resulting in some enormously random combinations. Only real moment of any interest was Mark Wahlberg quite hilariously calling Jeremy Piven out on his mercury levels, and then Piven getting gravely serious about it, resulting in a lot of awkwardness. Otherwise, no drama of note, and I won’t attempt discuss anything related to fashion.
7:56pm: Okay, I lied – Kate Winslet looks really, really good. That is all.
7:58pm: Brooke Burke and Tiki Barber aren’t allowed to have opinions, silly Nancy O’Dell – that’s not why they’re there!
8:00pm: And here we go – wait, the Jonas Brothers are there? Oy vey.
8:01pm: Actress Jennifer Lopez here to announce the night’s first award, ripping off her own plunging neckline double-sided tape routine. Nominees for Best Supporting Actress first – egads, people are still filing in and being loud. Lopez tells them who is boss: Amy Adams, Penelope Cruz, Viola Davis, Marisa Tomei (Veteran, experience stripper), Kate Winslet. And the winner is…Kate Winslet, certainly giving her a great deal of Oscar momentum for what has been an overlooked performance early in the season.
8:04pm: Wouldn’t it have been funny if Winslet had pulled her Revolutionary Road speech out of her purse? She’s reading way too much, but she is doing well at speaking to the audience more than she is reading, and had some great little quips in there. Well played, Ms. Winslet – best of luck for Oscar.
8:06pm: Best Original Song, moving along at quite a clip here – they’re playing a lot of each Original Song nominee. First, Peter Gabriel, one of two REAL potential winners here for his work on “Down to Earth” in Wall-E. Next, Clint Eastwood’s title track for Gran Torino. Next, “I Thought I Lost You” by Miley Cyrus from Bolt, which sounds about as charming as you’d expect. Aww, and she stuck out her tongue! She’s so delightfully still 16. Beyonce sneaks in for Cadillac Records (so much for period authenticity), and then we have our favourite: Bruce Springsteen’s title track from The Wrestler. And the winner is…as expected, Bruce Springsteen for The Wrestler. No shocker, although Gabriel continues to be competitive in my eyes.
8:14pm: And we’re back – man, the crowd will NOT shut up. Simon Baker and Eva Longoria are talking over the audience – Rumer Willis is looking very charming as our Miss Golden Globe, and Demi and Ashton look mighty proud.
8:15pm: They’re here to announce Supporting Actor (TV). We open with Neil Patrick Harris (Go NPH), then Denis Leary (from the great Recount), Jeremy “The Thermometer” Piven, Blair Underwood and Tom Wilkinson from John Adams. And the Golden Globe goes to…Tom Wilkinson for John Adams, which I hear is a very deserving win and to be entirely honest with you I’m just happy that it’s not Jeremy Piven AGAIN.
8:18pm: After drunk Tom Wilkinson is over, we get Supporting Actress (TV). Eileen Atkins shows up for this awards show, Laura Dern BETTER WIN for Recount, Melissa George is like hiding behind her husband and kind of wearing Kate Winslet’s dress, Rachel Griffiths is still Australian, and it’s Dianne Wiest who no-shows this one (she did the Emmys as well). And the award goes to…Laura Dern for Recount! Huzzah, this is much deserved: she was kind of robbed of the Emmy, so I’m glad that she picks up this one.
8:20pm: I’m glad that someone from Recount got to win tonight so that Danny Strong and Jay Roach could get some shout-outs – they have no chance of beating John Adams later in the night, so it’s good someone got some props in.
8:25pm: Really, Don Cheadle – there as the star of Hotel for Dogs? That’s mildly embarassing – and STILL the crowd will not be quiet. Is there any particular reason that he is also presenting for Burn After Reading? The crowd is paying no attention until Cheadle starts making funny about not being cast in Fargo and suggesting that Brad Pitt is stupid. The film is a lot of fun, but I don’t really know if the film can win the category.
8:27pm: Eva Mendes gets to introduce her fellow Latino, the President of the HFPA. He comes out, requests and demands that everyone have a good time. Now we have Hayden and Efron out to present one of the most prestigious categories: Actor TV Series Drama. Really, they let the kids do this one? Michael C. Hall looking really close to his SISTER (Ahem), Jon Hamm appears to be dating Molly from Ugly Betty, Hugh Laurie is still great, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers still has no chance, and Gabriel Byrne no-shows. And the winner is…Gabriel Byrne, which means that his awards is with those crazy kids.
8:30pm: “Disappointed stay at home Mom?” REALLY? That’s not Betty Draper, damnit. Either way, we move right onto Actress in a TV Drama. This one goes to…Anna Paquin for True Blood, this being her first win in three nominations (nominated last year for her work in an HBO telefilm and nominated way back in the day for The Piano). I swear, I wrote that before the guy told me so, trust me! Either way, this is a really sad victory considering that the show isn’t really “awards” material even if it could be a lot of fun. Especially against Jones, this is kind of sad.
8:36pm: And here comes Ricky Gervais…with a drink in his hand. He shushes the audience, attacks them for being so rude. Someone actually clinks glasses, annoyed not to be nominated. There was still people out of their seats – he’s like “staff.” “I told you, do a holocaust movie, the awards come!” He has an angel and a devil on his shoulders, pimps Ghost Town, waste of a campaign, sex with two hundred middle age journalists. This is wonderful. Europeans with whisky bears…the men were worse. I’m bitter, but nothing would faze the heroine of our next film. Happy-Go-Lucky – don’t think Sally Hawkins will be able to carry this one to a victory here, she has a better chance at Actress.
8:39pm: Who let the Jonas Brothers on this show exactly? It’s “so cool,” so many celebrities…oh, they’re presenting animated feature, because they’re children! Bolt looks charming, I still need to watch both it and Kung Fu Panda. Not that either film really matters here, since Wall-E is going to space dance its way to this one easily. And sure enough, here comes Andrew Stanton to accept his first of two fancy golden statuettes he will get these next few months.
8:41pm: My brother just informed me that Gervais’ Holocaust joke (which Winslet loved) was in reference to her Extras episode – I need to watch Extras at some point. And now Johnny Depp is presenting Actress Musical/Comedy. We get Rebecca Hall, Sally Hawkins, Meryl Streep looking all high and mighty, Emma Thompson for Last Chance Harvey, and Frances McDormand who is also absent (like Hall). And the winner is…there shall be no dual win tonight, as Sally Hawkins walks away with a Golden Globe for her work in Mike Leigh’s film. I will be seeing that one probably sometime this Spring, and look forward to it.
8:44pm: Hawkins is overcome by emotion trying to deal with the fact that she is even nominated with these people, and this is a film about love. It’s very charming, and while I didn’t want her to shut up as she indicated I do wish her emotion had made for something less listy.
8:50pm: The camera people are pretty much playing a game of “are we able to find people in the crowd who are actually sitting down when we come back from commercial?” In the meantime, bearded Jake Gyllenhal gets to play the “I was in *Insert Director*’s last movie!,” introducing David Fincher’s The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (having been in Zodiac). I’m really curious to see this film, looking forward to it.
8:53pm: Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange find “good evening” WAY too funny, before presenting Miniseries/TV Movie – the other nominees barely even matter (But wait, P. Diddy is there!) considering that John Adams is walking away with this one. And yeah…I stopped paying attention, and then Tom Hanks was on stage. Shock and yawn.
8:57pm: Supporting Actor for Film is a weird category, but Demi Moore has way too much fun with Downey Jr.’s descriptor. Philip Seymour Hoffman and Heath Ledger are obviously not here, and this one is all for foretold: there was no way that Ledger was going to lose this one, and the same might be happening come Oscar night. Christopher Nolan walks to the stage amid a standing ovation, and now we get to see a clip of the film…the interrogation scene, of course. Nolan speaks of a hole ripped in the future of cinema, but now sees less the gap and more sees the talent he did bring to his art. A very good speech (he had some practice at Critics’ Choice).
9:04pm: Tom Brokaw has gained a lot of weight recently, it seems, and I don’t think he bought a new suit since that point. Just saying – he’s here to present Frost/Nixon, another likely contender for Best Picture that really won’t be able to win.
9:06pm: I love Brian Grazer’s hair, and Colin Farrell’s hilarious (and dropped an F-Bomb in the pre-show). Now, the Foreign Film award, which is always awkward at the Globes because it’s based on Language and not location. This is a battle between I’ve Loved You So Long, and the animated Waltz with Bashir. The winner is…Waltz with Bashir, after Farrell makes a rather wonderful cocaine joke. Man, the winners are always sketchy, but the jokes are wonderful.
9:09pm: “Aaron…”, wow, poor Maggie Gyllenhal. Either way, time for Actress in a Miniseries or TV Movie. Laura Linney is a favourite here, but can she beat out old people? Can she? Can she defeat the powers of aging? The answer…yes, yes she can. Maggie and Aaron Eckhart really needed to plan this out better, they didn’t have their cues down. Either way, Linney wins in her fourth Globe nomination, so this one is a long time coming.
9:17pm: Now here comes Gerard Butler (Because he’s Irish too!) to present Martin McDonagh’s fantastic In Bruges, which I watched before Christmas and loved. It’s really, really funny, but so very dark – I’ve read a lot of McDonagh’s plays, and they’re similarly awesome. Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks are now out, and Rogen gives us ANOTHER cocaine joke.
9:19pm: Time for some Screenplay love, and the first chance to see if Slumdog Millionaire will make its move. And the winner is…Simon Beaufoy for Slumdog Millionaire. Without any technical awards, this is the first sign for the Globes’ love of the film – Dev Patel and his young co-star are in the audience, though, so go them! He is a bit amazed to be here, and thanks everyone involved including the fantastic Danny Boyle who apparently made his screenplay fly. And let the winning begin.
9:21pm: Amy Poehler (from the new NBC show from the producers of the Office) and Patrick Dempsey for Actor TV Comedy. Baldwin. Carell (w/ beard!). Frakking Kevin Connoly. Duchovony. Shahloub. And the winner is…Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock, picking up his second Globe for the role. He deserves dozens of them.
9:28pm: Here is Renee Zellweger, complete with strange haircut and see-through top. She’s presenting for The Reader, I think because of her connection with Minghella on Cold Mountain. I think. I never really know, but the mention of Minghella twice in one little speech convinces me of that much. I am really curious to see this film, although Winslet is kind of appalled at how much of a whore that clip made her out to be.
9:30pm: It’s Terence Howard and…I do not know who this person is! How could this be? Either way, time for Actor in a TV Movie/Miniseries, also known as “Paul Giamatti gets to talk on stage.” I need to watch John Adams, I get it, thanks HFPA. Kiefer Sutherland must feel guilty about competing against his own show, just a little.
9:32pm: It was Megan Fox! I just don’t recognize her in nice clothes, or clothes period in many ways. Giamatti seems really, really drunk, by the way.
9:33pm: Glenn Close and Lauren Fishburne to present TV Series Comedy – 30 Rock’s clip is from a third season 30 Rock episode (great line), Californication gets a vasectomy scene, Entourage gets a premiere scene, we get Michael fake birthing Dwight’s baby, and Albert Brooks’ great guest appearance on Weeds. And the winner is, showing that the show is only going to be more dominant, 30 Rock. Tina Fey, of course, accepts as the cast comes up to join her.
9:36pm: Actually, Tracy Morgan in his white suit accepts, and because Barack Obama won he gets to accept all awards. He throws it in Cate Blanchett’s face, loves the New Europe, thinks that the Emmys should care more about black people, loves “Lorny Mikes,” says some hilarious names, Craft Services, thanks Jeff Zucker (“Jay-Z,” who is in the audience) but NOT Ben Silverman only after Baldwin whispers in his ear. Love it.
9:42pm: Pierce Brosnan, none of us would have imagined you ever singing any of those songs either. We were not fortunate enough to listen to it – you ruined S.O.S., damnit! Anyways, he’s presenting Mamma Mia!, spoils the end of the movie, and the film has no chance at winning Musical/Comedy after Streep couldn’t win Best Actress, if I was a betting man.
9:44pm: Kate Beckinsale is keeping an eye on P. Diddy to see if he’ll still be able to stand after he drank himself under the table after losing his earlier award. They’re presenting Original Score: Desplat for Ben Button, Eastwood for Changelin, Newton Howard for Defiance, Rahman for Slumdog and Zimmer for Frost/Nixon. And the winner is…Rahman! This is wonderful, and means that the film will take Best Picture in a washover at this point: for Jai Ho alone the man deserves the Oscar, and glad to see this as a strong precursor. Excite!
9:46pm: Duchovony is happy, and Krakowski is charming – TV Series Comedy it is (is there a musical TV series). Christina Applegate continues her comeback, America Ferrera is still charming, Debra Messing has leftover Will and Grace love, and I LOVE me some Mary-Louise Parker. But there was no chance, at all, of Tina Fey not repeating as this year’s winner. She took last year’s award based solely on the strength of her performance, but this year saw a hit film and Sarah Palin. Good gravy indeed, Tina Fey – she’s always loved the HFPA and their action figures (joke courtesy of Will Arnett). She decides to address some of her internet haters: tells them they can all suck it. Oh, Tina Fey. I love you.
9:54pm: Cecil B. Demille award. I’m going to get a snack, but will return quickly to see Marty and Steve both.
10:12pm: And we’re back – Spielberg’s speech was kind of rough, but some good clips. Now we’re back and Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman are really drunk and kind of awesome. Thompson, in particular, is highly entertaining. Danny Boyle gets a lot of love for Slumdog, Daldry gets some love for The Reader, Fincher gets some applause and seems bemused, Ron Howard gets some Opie love, and Sam Mendes is appreciated by Winslet for Revolutionary Road. Meanwhile, let the sweep continue: Danny Boyle takes Slumdog Millionaire’s third win of the night, and our Jamal/Latika hug shot is well captured by our night’s director. Boyle continues to be something kind of awesome – and the cast is really happy about this. Boyle gets emotional discussing his kids, it was darn charming.
10:16pm: Signourney Weaver is here to…present Revolutionary Road? I don’t really understand this choice, but I like Weaver, and I am really interested in seeing this film considering how inspirational it was for Mad Men and how much buzz it is getting for its performances.
10:18pm: Actor in a Musical or Comedy. Javier Bardem, the wonderful Bredan Gleeson and Colin Ferrell from In Bruges, a “rumpled, older man” in Dustin Hoffman, and our fifth nominee is…James Franco, who was smart not to show his face. And the Golden Globe goes to…Colin Ferrell, for In Bruges! That’s kind of exciting, because we get another speech from Colin Ferrell! The film was also really good, and he REALLY surprised me in it. So, props to the HFPA for this one. He’s shocked, talks about the script, and beings waxing philosophical with Martin, Brendan, and the people he’s worked with in the past eight years: agents, lawyer, publicists. Loves ’em all. He was really humbled, made for a charming speech.
10:26pm: Salma Hayek here to present Vicky Christina Barcelona, another film I really should watch even if I am woefully behind on the whole Woody Allen catalogue. The clip looks quite funny, and Cruz remains a threat at the Oscars.
10:28pm: Sascha Baron Cohen is now here, makes a Ben Button/Plastic Surgery joke, demeans his own film, makes fun of Victoria Beckham, Charlie Sheen and Guy Ritchie…and gets a HUGE groan for the last one. Time for Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy. And the Globe goes to…Vicky Christina Barcelona. It’s a Globes type of film – while it received no acting awards, it is the kind of picture that nicely walks the line between comedy and an academy prestige picture of this nature.
10:36pm: Freida Pinto and a Bollywood star are here, and Dev Patel has been able to move onto to the big kids’ table with Danny Boyle. Are they seriously showing this scene from Slumdog Millionaire? Really? Such a weird decision. Either way, loved it to death, looks a sure bet to win.
10:37pm: Cameron Diaz and Mark Wahlberg have a great conversation. Now Actress Drama. Anne Hathaway. Angelina Jolie. Meryl Streep. Kristin Scott Thomas. Kate Winslet. And the winner is…the leak was wrong, after all, and the HFPA apparently decided to play it safe in its scheme to get Kate Winslet on the stage finally. Kate Winslet wins her second Globe of the night, this time for Revolutionary Road. “Oh god, who’s the other one!” She is surprised, shocked, and feeling kind of all over the place. She decides to go off the cuff for this one, and can barely breathe. “Okay, gather.” Kate Winslet is so charming, she should win awards more often.
10:43pm: Rainn Wilson KILLS an opening line reminding people that TV people exist, too. TV Series Drama. And the winner is…Mad Men! This is exciting news – the cast is all there, and enormously pretty, as usual. After Hamm lost, it wasn’t clear if the show was going to keep winning. Weiner is on stage, and sad they missed last year, and this is very scattershot. He thanks his “friends at Lionsgate,” so that better mean he’s signing that contract bloody soon.
10:50pm: Susan Sarandon here from The Lovely Bones, for Actor in a Motion Picture Drama. Leo. Franky L. Pitt. Rourke, looking awesome. Sean Penn, out of alphabetical order. And it is as I expected: Rourke’s comeback tale wins him a Golden Globe and a big hug from Bruce Springsteen. Rourke has some trouble with the stairs, and can’t speak through the crowd’s love. He thanks his new agent for having the balls to get him back into the game, thanks Darren Aronofsky and his moustache for being “one of those cats” who brought the best out of me. Aronofsky gives Rourke the finger for calling him tough, which is a lot of fun. And then he thanks his dogs, and then Springsteen. In that order.
10:58pm: And here is Tom Cruise for our last award, Motion Picture drama. Ben Button. Frost/Nixon. The Reader. Revolutionary Road. Slumdog Millionaire. And the winner is…Slumdog Millionaire to complete what is a total sweep: not a single loss for the film, taking score, screenplay, director and Picture. This cements it as the frontrunner heading into the Oscars, where I’m not sure if there is a film that can fight off this kind of momentum. It just isn’t going to happen.
11:02pm: Played off, the movie’s producer gets to send us away, and Tom Cruise gets to send us off into the night. I’ll be putting together a bit of a wrapup post in a few minutes, which will go up tomorrow morning – thanks, everyone, for reading! Good night!